why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
