I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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