I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
