better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
