Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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