Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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