Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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