i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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