my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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