All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
