We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
