so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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