DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
