Me. At least after what I've been through.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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