dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
