you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
