There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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