i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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