I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
