I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
