What a fucking waste of an outfit
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
