This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
