No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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