i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
a search helicopter?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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