Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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