why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
