There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
