Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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