Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
