Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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