i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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