Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
