Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
