All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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