ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
