I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
