first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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