My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
be right there i have to get my cape
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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