Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
