piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
