if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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