It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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