i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When are your genitals available?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
