we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
