Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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