Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
