I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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