Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
