other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
