I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
