Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
