There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
